Shit Hoops Says

This part of the website is dedicated to the off-tangent stuff Hoops tends to tell me (Crystal) while we’re at home in conversation or out of the blue; usually out of the blue with him. For those of you who are long-time followers, some of this wouldn’t come to much of a surprise.

Everything will be dated with when it was said, with the newest, first.

October 31, 2014
Hoops: “I’d be okay with giving out Halloween”
Crystal: “Did you hear what you just said?”
Hoops: “….” (starts to laugh)
Crystal: “Yes. That’s right. Let’s give out some Halloweens! Happy Candy! Here kids! Have some Halloween”

August 12, 2014
“Hey, I’m pretty flexible! Wonder if I could suck my own dick?”
Crystal: “Why would you want to even try? That’s kinda gross…”
“Well, you better hope I don’t succeed, because if I do, you’re outta the house…”
Crystal: “What?”
“….You heard me.”

April 4, 2013
Crystal: “You should wear a banana hammock.”
Matt: “A banana hammock on me is a like a bad fitting dew-rag on an afro”

December 13, 2012
Crystal attempts to wake Matt up.
Matt: “What?”
Crystal: “Getting up?”
Matt: “Can’t… I have to put away my boat”
Crystal: “What? Your boat?”
Matt: “Yeah, I left out my dream boat and have to put it away”
Crystal: “… Uhm, ok?”

December 9, 2012
(Goes to pick at Crystal’s nose)
Crystal: “Hey, don’t, that’ll hurt!”
Hoops: “No, you’re crazy”
Crystal: “Seriously, I have a sore there”
Hoops: “No you don’t, you’re crazy. ”
(Crystal goes to show Hoops)
Hoops: “See! You’re just agoraphobic”
Crystal: “… I’m afraid of open spaces?”
(Laughs)Hoops: “Yup!”

December 1, 2012
Hoops: “George Harrison!”
Crystal: “What? Who’s that and where’d that come from?”
Hoops: (giggling): “I-I don’t know. That guy who played ‘Han Solo’ in Star Wars.”
Crystal: “.. You mean Harrison Ford?”
(Search ensues on Google)
Crystal: “What th- the guitarist from the Beatles?”
Hoops: (can’t stop laughing) “Yeah, the guitarist from the Beatles who played Han Solo”
Crystal: “You hurt my brain”

November 30, 2012
Hoops: “What? You want me to massage your asshole?”
Crystal: “What?! No! How’d you get that from me asking for my ‘left ankle’?”


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“Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.” - Terry Pratchett/Wyrd Sisters

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